How You Can Help a Friend Get Through The Loss of Their Home

While this may be off topic as to what I do, it really isn't. What I really do is help people or facilitate them helping themselves. Thus, this blog is how you can help a friend who has lost to a fire.

The morning of October 27, 1993, I left my little cottage in Laguna Beach for a business meeting in Los Angeles. While at that meeting my home and all that it contained burned to the ground. What I wore and was driving was all that remained.

The loss of the physical structure was traumatic; the loss of all the things that defined me and had memories was devastating. The sorrow reached beyond me to my family and friends. Everyone wanted to help but weren’t sure how.

Here are some of the things that helped:

Shopping

Shopping for new things, even with the generous discounts offered by all the stores, was overwhelming. Many times I would wander through a store just to get the basics and walk out unable to decide or overwhelmed by the cost and just not liking to have to explain my situation once more. After several days of seeing me in the same cloths a girl friend went shopping with me. She helped mellow out my craziness, keeping quantities small, purchases appropriate and served as a buffer. She also could find the car after we were done.

Making Lists

One of the immediate requirements is to remember what you had and write it down. This is another painful and overwhelming process. Friends had me over to their home. Big yellow writing tablets were in every room. We began in the kitchen standing in a familiar room that would be equipped similarly helped me to remember things that I had like spices. Being with friends allowed me to be wacky or cry or both. As a team project, it’s not so overwhelming.

Throw a Shower

My elderly aunts gathered up family and friends, and gave me a shower. After everyone was settled my aunts asked me to tell the story – that way, I only had to tell it once. The story was over and we moved on to opening gifts for my new life. I still have many of those household items each time I see them they warm my heart.

Honor the Person

I was active in a business group. The president of the group called to say that they were holding a luncheon in my honor. Everyone showed up. Again, I was asked to tell the story – once to 40 people. Then, over lunch, each person stood and gave a short talk about what they liked about me and how I had unknowingly added to their life. The message was, even though my stuff was gone, I wasn’t and I have some value to a lot of people. It was a beautiful gift.

Have a Memorial

After a week or so, a group of fire friends got together at each one’s place. Some wrote poetry, some sang, some had things to say, some just attended. We talked about the place. The person who lived there talked about what they liked about the place, what brought them there, what they miss and what they didn’t miss, memories and things. We placed flowers, cried, hugged and when it was done had a picnic.

Support Groups

Encourage your person to get with a support group as soon as possible. These groups not only understand but there is a world of information that can be shared from insurance to rebuilding to health.

Gather Photos

Search your photo albums, encourage family members to search theirs, gather up photos, reproduce them and put them in an album. Be happy to go through the photos and all those memories.